


Part and Parcel

by Darkmagyk



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Gen, annual youngling class play
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-08
Updated: 2015-09-08
Packaged: 2018-04-19 20:21:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4759712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darkmagyk/pseuds/Darkmagyk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For over a thousand generations, every jedi youngling took part in the annual youngling class play, before the dark times, before the empire.<br/>15 years later, the last of their kind, Kanan Jarrus and Ahsoka Tano, reflect on their roles and what that means for their present.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Part and Parcel

**Author's Note:**

> [Carrinth](http://carrinth.tumblr.com/) over on tumblr had [this](http://carrinth.tumblr.com/post/113065192521/jedi-acting-potential-inspired-by).great comic about the youngling class play featuring tiny Ahsoka Tano, Barriss Offee, and Caleb Dume, plus [this](http://carrinth.tumblr.com/post/127777544111/a-huge-part-of-the-jedi-experience-growing-up-was) thing about Anakin directing. Its adorable. I thought I should write an fluffy fic where Ahsoka and Kanan bond over it. That it not what happened.  
>  Takes place between Fire Across the Galaxy and Siege of Lothal

“I didn’t know she was a Jedi.” Hera said, as Kanan sunk into the co-pilots chair.

“What?”

“Ahsoka, Fulcrum. If I’d have known she was a Jedi, I would have told you.” Hera promised.

“You weren’t suppose to tell me, that would have made it worse when I was captured.” Kanan responded evenly, but Hera flinched at the reminder.

“But if you’d have known about other Jedi you could have…” Something, surely.

“Pawned Ezra off on her?” Kanan asked, and it was a bit sardonic but their was something there, like he still thought Ezra could do better in the master department.

“No, just…” Hera didn’t know how to say, _so you wouldn’t be alone anymore_ , without actually saying it. And she knew Kanan wouldn’t appreciate that sentiment.

“It’s a _good_ thing I didn’t know. Now…who knows, she’s got rebel resources, maybe she has some Jedi resources too, something to help Ezra’s training.” My training. My horribly horribly incomplete training. He did not add. “If she’s up to it, I might discuss somethings with her, just to make sure everything is progressing. There is suppose to be a community aspect to padawan training. Getting a different perspective is always nice.”

They lapsed into an easy silence. They had been together, on this ship, for five years. In the early days, when their secrets were still there own, silences were easier than small talk. Even these days, pasts more or less wide open, the habit didn’t die.

Still, it did get to be too much for Hera.

“Did you know her?”

“Who?”

“Ahsoka, back in the temple.”

“Not really, I met her a couple of times when we were very young, more or less in passing,” He paused before he continued. “Later, I knew of her, though.”

“She was famous among the Jedi?”

“Among the soon to be apprenticed, yeah. She was about the closest we came to having a war hero.” He smiled at the memory, and Hera grinned in response.

“You never mentioned that.”

“It wasn’t…it was like, a cultural thing, maybe. Like we all just knew we were going to be like Padawan Tano. Because we had to be like Padawan Tano before we were going to be like   Master Windu or Master Skywalker or Master Kenobi.”

“Those are names I remember.”

“Yeah, the entire galaxy had them for heroes. But… It was different for us. We were going to be on the front lines soon, or, at least we wanted to be, like the idiots we were.” He said harshly, “and before we could be Generals and Knights, we had to be padawans and commanders. And Ahsoka Tano faced Sith and Separatist Generals and won, or at least lived, which was basically winning to us. She was probably going to end up one of the youngest Knights. Our War hero.”

He had thought a lot about his teachings lately. That was an important part of being a master, and the only way to pass them on. But he still tried not to think about being a child at the temple, he tried not to think of his feelings and thoughts and hopes and dreams. He tried not to think about Caleb Dume’s past. Because then it became harder not to think of them as different people. And then it became harder not to cry.

“She’s right downstairs.“ Hera reminded him, “if you wanted to talk to her.”

Kanan nodded and didn’t move.

***

Silence with Hera was as natural as anything, Silence with Ahsoka Tano felt like it was weighted down with ten thousand lost souls. Their people, long dead and gone, hovering around them.

“Ezra is a good kid.” She offered first.

“Yeah.” Kanan agreed non-committal and a bit evasive. “He is a good kid.” What was it masters us to say, “I’m honored to have him as my Padawan.”

He cringed as he finished. He was not one of the old masters

Ahsoka caught the expression and maybe the thought. She smiled, “I know the feeling.” She agreed, then paused before adding, “one of my contacts has his daughter call me Master Ahsoka. I feel like a fraud every time I speak to her.”

“Ezra only calls me master when he’s being a smart ass.” Kanan said, and he’s never called me Master Jarrus and doesn’t know, thank all the gods, to call me Master Dume. Kanan wasn’t actually sure which would have been worse. Which would have made him feel like _more_ of a fraud.

“My master,” Ahsoka began, “went from a Padawan to having a Padawan in about four months. I always wondered how that wasn’t weird for him.”

“Things were different in the war.” Kanan offered, “we were all sure you’d be a knight in no time, and I’m sure you would have adapted.”

She frowned. Either at the reference to her lack of knighting or maybe to the now dead younglings who had looked up to her.

“How long were you out there?” She asked.

“Just over five months.” He said.

“So you got shipped out just as I left.” Her smile was wry.

“I don’t know what happened with that.” Kanan broached. There was so much that was still a mystery to him. The War, the Clones turning on him, the death of the Jedi. Ahsoka Tano’s exit from the order seemed like a small thing. But it was also the only one he had access to.

“Maybe I’ll tell you about it sometime.”

Kanan should have stopped. He knew about not drudging up the past of the Jedi Order as much as anyone. But to have someone who knew things, who understand, so close. It was too much. He had to say something.

“You were our hero.” He said and then, because really, he had nothing left, he decided to go with the truth, “you were my hero.”

She frowned, “Me?” She clearly didn’t believe him, “Not Anakin?”

“Oh, Master Skywalker was everyone’s hero. But you were a Padawan out winning the war beside Master Kenobi and Master Skywalker. I wanted to be like you,.”

She looked at him intently, trying to place something.

“Kanan… what clan were you in?”  

“You don’t remember me?” It’s said with a smile.

“I’m sorry, no.”

“We only met a few times, and I think you were still a Youngling then. We were in one of the Class plays together.” He added brightly. “You were tree number six, that’s when I knew you were destined for greatness.”

“Don’t tell me you still believe in the prophecy of the youngling class play.” She rolled her eyes, but she was grinning, too.

Kanan grinned too, but then said seriously “Every Jedi knows your role is the biggest indicator of where you’ll go in life. And everyone knows that trees are great warriors and the higher your number, the more important you’ll be. Master Billaba once told me Master Windu had been tree number four and everyone knows Master Kenobi was tree number seven.”

“I remember the rumor that Master Yoda had been Tree number nine.”

“See, proof.” Kanan grinned. “That was a great year.”

“Yes,” Ahsoka agreed. “Anakin...Master Skywalker was the director that year.” Her smile was wistful.

“Yeah, it was the first time I met him.” Kanan smiled.

“I don’t think he remembered that we had met then.” Ashoka said, “I never got a chance bring it up. Did you know him or Master Kenobi?”

Kanan shook his head, “Not really. I had several lessons taught by Master Kenobi, but I only knew Master Skywalker, after he was Master Skywalker, from the star-fighter combat class.” It was, perhaps the class he'd used the most in the years since the destruction of the Order. These days, he used most of his Jedi training, but even back when he was the denying the force, Master Skywalker's instructions on flying had been invaluable. He'd never be as good as the likes of him or Hera, but he could hold his own, and he hadn't died yet. “He must have been tree number six too.”

“He never participated, he came to the temple really, really late. So Master Kenobi made him direct it a couple of years.” Ahsoka told him, “Barriss was the one who told me that. It explained his attitude about the entire thing.”

“I mostly remember him being really frustrated with me the entire time. I was...very excited about my part.”

“Where you the dancing blade?” Ahsoka asked, she couldn't remember who that had been, but she knew it had been a boy a bit younger than her. Besides everyone knew people who played the dancing lightsaber blades were excellent at holding up under torture.

“I was the nexu,” Kanan remembered and grinned, “I had fun with that.”

But Ahsoka looked confused, “Are you sure we were in the same one?” She asked, “The nexu the year I was the tree was Caleb Dom.”

All levity fled Kanan's face, and then “Dume.”

“What?”

“Caleb Dume was the nexu that year.”

“Yeah, that’s it. I remember _him._ He always had a question about how we were going to stage the production, and his motivation, and also the spiritual components of each role in the play. I never met up with him again, which is kind of a shame, I’d have probably turned into something. But I remember over hearing Master Kenobi and Master Billaba talking about he and Anakin once, that if Anakin could find the answers, a questioning padawan might be good for him, in about 10 years. But that was before the war, and everything got sped up.”

Kanan just stared at her. But she caught on wrong. “So, were we actually in a play together, if you were a nexu?” She said with a smile.

He could not return it, “I’m sure we were in that play together.” He said. “I was the nexu the year you were tree number 6.”

“You just said it was Caleb.” Ahsoka reminded him.

He wanted to be pleased. Ahsoka Tano had known who Caleb Dume was. She had been impressed by him. His placement as a padawan had been talked about by Jedi council members.

He had spent nearly nine years convincing himself that Caleb Dume was a dead, naive, kill joy. He had spent the next four thinking of him as a giant what-if. Hardly relevant except for perhaps when his skill in telekinesis was needed. He’d spent the last year thinking of him as a student. A Jedi padawan who had had many questions, and gotten at least a few answers that might be useful for Ezra.

But here and now, to admit he was pleased, would require Caleb Dume to become something else. It would require Caleb Dume to become Kanan Jarrus. It would mean, at his core, he was the same person he’d always been. Different clothing, different fighting style, different accent, different job. But still the same. And being Caleb Dume, even by way of Kanan Jarrus, might be too much for him to take.

But he couldn’t say any of that. Could barely think it. So instead he watched Ahsoka as she tried to make sense of how Kanan and Caleb Dume could both have been the nexu at the same time. He saw it when she made the connection.

“You’re…”

He held out his hand for a shake, and cut her off “Kanan Jarrus or Specter One. Field commander of the Ghost Crew, under Captain Hera Syndulla. Sometimes Jedi. Attempted master of Ezra Bridger.”

“Kanan,” Ahsoka said, taking his hand. But she didn’t shake it like an introduction. She grasped it between one of her own and then both. Comforting and supportive. The sort of everyday affection between Jedi friends that had once been common. “I understand the desire to separate yourself from your past. But walking around, acting as though Caleb Dume is dead, as though that name no longer has any meaning to you, it won’t get you anywhere. Running isn’t the same as moving forward.”

It was the kind of thing Master Billaba would have said. The kind of thing he might have tried on the kid on a good day. It made him wonder if Ahsoka had been practicing Jedi Masterhood somewhere. Perhaps with that contacts daughter who used the old title.  

On Kellar, he had thought he’d left everyone who knew Caleb behind. His past was his, to shape and change and ignore as he pleased. To have someone else make a connection, even one he wanted, was to much.

“I’ve been running for a long time.” He said, “I don’t know if I can stop, at this point.”

Ahsoka nodded, understanding, if not agreeing. “They say the Nexus will go far in life.” She grinned, “That doesn’t mean you can’t come back.”

**Author's Note:**

> Check out my [tumblr](http://darkmagyk.tumblr.com/).


End file.
